Saturday Night Live’s cold open pulled in Matt Damon and saw President Donald Trump’s allies sharing some drinks and drowning their sorrows.
Damon revived a performance for SNL this weekend and a biting cold open took aim at three men whose alcohol use and alleged abuse has made headlines: Supreme Court Justice Brett Kananaugh, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth.
“Hey, can I just say we are both kicking a*s, right now,” Damon’s Kavanaugh told Colin Jost’s Hegseth while sitting at a bar.
“Dude, can you believe I just started a war?” Jost’s Hegseth said.
Damon’s Kavanaugh then said he “ended” abortion, referring to the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade in 2022, determining individual states determine the legality of abortion.
Damon made digs about Kavanaugh drinking during his impression, pulling up a map of Tennessee and joking about new congressional lines. Tennessee is one of multiple states to implement new congressional lines that have inspired Democratic protests.
This Kavanaugh pulled out a map of Tennessee and showed a new congressional district, but then commented, “actually, no, that’s, that’s a field sobriety test. They told me to draw a circle.”
“I’m just worried it’s gonna end, you know,” Jost’s Hegseth said. “It’s kind of like I took a bunch of blue chew and then didn’t bang anyone! Like, okay, I guess I’ll just watch Seinfeld bricked up.”
Aziz Ansari also revived his Patel role and turned the FBI director into a man entering a “poly” relationship. The line was a reference to Patel reportedly ordering polygraph tests for employees to discover a media leak. Patel is currently suing The Atlantic over a report citing colleagues and suggesting his drinking has become an issue in his job, leading to late appearances and confusion.
“I told them to make a graph of everyone in the FBI who’s poly. My girlfriend wants to open up our relationship. She says she wants to bring other dudes into the bedroom and for me to stay in the living room,” Ansari’s Patel said.
Damon’s Kavanaugh eventually confessed the Supreme Court is going to “let” Trump run for a third term, something the commander in chief has joked about on occassion.
“Since we’re opening up, can I tell you guys something top secret? We’re gonna let Trump do a third term,” he said, adding, “Trump found the original Constitution, and at the end, he wrote, ‘Psych!’ We’re gonna live forever!”