Charles Spencer Explains Why It’s ‘Tough’ for Women Who Marry into the Royal Family, Calling Palace Pushback ‘Gaslighting’
Reflecting on the unique systemic pressures of life within the monarchy, Charles Spencer, 9th Earl Spencer, opened up about the severe emotional and mental hurdles faced by outsiders entering the royal fold during an on-stage conversation in New York City on September 29.
Speaking alongside royal biographer and former Vanity Fair editor Tina Brown at St. Peter’s Chelsea to discuss his newly released memoir, Swan Song: Diana, My Sister, the younger brother of Diana, Princess of Wales, addressed the realities of navigating the historic institution. When asked by Brown whether contemporary individuals can authentically survive inside the “cage of the monarchy,” Spencer offered a candid, nuanced assessment:
“Well, there are people who endure it. I think there are certain people who find it very difficult to be inside of it. I think if you grow up in a royal family, it’s a lot easier than marrying into it. If you look at the wives of those who’ve married in, it’s tough. It’s a way of thinking that is very specific.”
While neither Catherine, Princess of Wales, nor Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, was referenced by name during the dialogue, Spencer’s remarks resonated against the backdrop of Brown’s frequent public critiques of Meghan Markle—whom Brown recently criticized on The Ankler podcast for flawed judgment. For his part, Spencer previously drew explicit parallels on BBC News between the intrusive tabloid hostility confronting Harry and Meghan today and the unrelenting media torment that plagued Diana decades ago.
The New York event also served as a stage for Spencer to fiercely defend the veracity of his memoir against institutional pushback. When the Daily Mail previewed an explosive claim alleging that then-Prince Charles told Spencer prior to Diana’s 1997 funeral, “Rest assured, we’ll forget her soon enough,” Buckingham Palace issued a statement suggesting that the “pain of fraternal grief can cloud reason, affect judgment and color memory.”
Spencer firmly dismantled the palace’s rebuttal during his exchange with Brown:
“I’ve only had two phone calls from the then-Prince of Wales. I can remember them very well. I’m sure he can remember being hung up on because it probably doesn’t happen very often. He had the opportunity to not say anything or to deny it, and he did neither. He didn’t say that he didn’t say it.”
When Brown observed that the palace chose to attribute the claim solely to fraternal grief, Spencer drew sustained applause from the audience by retorting: “Well, that’s called gaslighting.” The pointed remarks reaffirm that the cultural debate surrounding Diana’s legacy and the institution’s treatment of royal spouses remains as combustible as ever.